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In recruiting, we’re not selling a phone, a piece of software, or a shiny widget. We’re working with people—real, unpredictable, emotional, complex individuals with their own dreams, fears, and priorities. And as my mentor told me when I first stepped into this business: "If you sell someone a phone, they take it, put it in their pocket, and leave the store. But when you work with candidates, they can change their mind at any time. Even after they’ve said yes."

That lesson has stuck with me for years.

Our product is people. And people are consistently inconsistent.

The Challenge of Selling People

Think about the last placement you made. You prepped your candidate for every interview. You dug into their motivations, asked them what mattered most, and double-checked that your role aligned with their needs. You followed up, pre-closed them on the offer, confirmed their acceptance—and maybe even reconfirmed it once more. But even with all that work, something still felt uncertain. And if you’ve been doing this long enough, you’ve probably been burned before.

That’s the nature of our business. We’re not dealing with static products. We’re working with people who have minds of their own, whose priorities can shift overnight, and who can—for reasons that sometimes seem incomprehensible—back out of the deal entirely.

A Tale of the Hedge Fund

Years ago, I placed a referral from one of my top-performing candidates. On paper, it was the perfect role: more money, a prestigious client, and work that aligned perfectly with what she’d told me she wanted.

She went through the interview process like a dream. When the offer came, she accepted with enthusiasm. I was already mentally filing her placement under “success.” But just one week later, she backed out. Why? She’d received an offer from a hedge fund that paid significantly more—an opportunity she hadn’t even mentioned when we first started talking.

It didn’t matter that I’d done everything by the book. Her priorities shifted when a bigger paycheck landed in her inbox.

Why "Perfect Matches" Can Still Fall Apart

Here’s the hard truth: You can’t control people.

You can think you’ve covered every base, understood every motive, and aligned every goal. But candidates are human beings, and human beings are not contracts. They have their own agency, and sometimes that means walking away from what seems like a perfect match.

This doesn’t mean you should give up trying to make those matches. It means you have to approach your work with humility and flexibility—and accept that there will always be an element of unpredictability.

Mitigating the Risk of "The Backout"

While you can’t guarantee a placement, you can significantly reduce the risk of a backout. Here’s how:

1. Dig Deep into Motivations: Most candidates will tell you what they think they want: more money, a better title, or a cool company name on their resume. Your job is to dig deeper. Why do they want those things? Is it security? Status? A desire to escape a toxic workplace? The more you understand their true pain points and drivers, the better you can match them to a role that genuinely fits.

2. Be Transparent About Trade-offs: No role is perfect. If your candidate’s dream job pays $300K but your role tops out at $250K, don’t try to gloss over that. Instead, highlight what your role offers that their dream job might not: stability, work-life balance, meaningful projects. Candidates appreciate honesty, and being upfront about trade-offs builds trust.

3. Maintain Tight Communication: A lot can happen in the silence between interviews. Candidates can get cold feet, other recruiters can swoop in, or their current employer might make a counteroffer. Stay in touch at every stage of the process. Regular check-ins don’t just keep you informed—they remind the candidate that you’re invested in their success.

4. Pre-Close… and Then Close Again: Pre-closing isn’t just a box to check. It’s an ongoing conversation. Confirm their acceptance before the offer is extended, and then confirm it again after they’ve received it. Keep checking in during their notice period. People can waver—your job is to keep them steady.

5. Build a Relationship, Not a Transaction: Candidates who see you as a partner, not just a recruiter, are less likely to walk away. Invest time in building genuine relationships. Listen to their concerns. Offer advice that goes beyond the immediate role you’re pitching. When they trust you, they’ll feel more committed to the process.

The Emotional Side of Backouts

Even when you’ve done everything right, backouts still sting. It’s hard not to take it personally. You invested time, energy, and emotional labor into this placement. You celebrated when they said yes, and you felt the rug pulled out from under you when they said no.

But here’s the thing: It’s not about you. It’s about them. Their priorities, their decisions, their lives.

And that’s what makes this work so fulfilling, even in its frustrations. We’re not selling phones or widgets. We’re helping people navigate some of the biggest decisions of their lives. That’s messy, unpredictable, and sometimes heartbreaking. But it’s also deeply rewarding.

Turning Setbacks into Growth

Every backout is a chance to learn. Ask yourself:

• Did I fully understand their motivations?

• Was there a red flag I missed?

• Could I have communicated differently?

• What can I do to prevent this from happening next time?

The best recruiters treat setbacks as opportunities for growth. They reflect, adapt, and improve. And they keep moving forward, knowing that every "no" brings them closer to a "yes."

The Beauty of Our Business

At the end of the day, our product—people—is what makes this job so challenging, but it’s also what makes it so rewarding. People are unpredictable, but they’re also full of potential. Every placement is a chance to change someone’s life for the better. And every backout is a reminder that we’re working with human beings, not commodities.

So, the next time a candidate walks away, take a deep breath. Remember why you got into this business. Learn from the experience. And get ready to make your next placement—because the right match is always out there, waiting for you to find it.

Recruiting is hard. It’s emotional. It’s unpredictable. But it’s also one of the most meaningful careers you can have. Embrace the chaos. Learn from the setbacks. And keep pushing forward.

After all, our product is people—and that’s what makes this work worth it.

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